Im sick and tired of a certain person. yes its the same person who has been in most of my journals lately. And it's becasue he keeps doing stuff.
He alsways does the same thing:
He gets all emotional over past stuff or little things my best friend does, he never tries to see her side of the story, he only focuses on hisself and his feelings and stuff but quite frankly it's not all about him.
The problem is: my best freind is dating someone who she loves with all her heart, then this dude who she calls Kuya (Brother in fillapino) likes her. You guys can probubly see the problem. So at the begingin of the school year, he asked her out and not only did she tell him the truth: she comforted him when she had to, becasue she hated hurting him like that.
I had been in that situation before so i gave him advice that came from my life, but of course he didnt take it: he stayed attached to her and therefore never moved on.
So 1st quarter was hell becasue they would have little mettigns inthe mornings aboiu their feelings and such and sometimes they would be happy, then they would be angry, then they wouyld be sad. thats how 1st quarter went.
Now its second quarter: at first things were going well, but they didnt last.
So yea; apperntly the 1st week of this mounth as my friend has said he got soo filled with jeaousy of her BF that he did somthing so terrible that she actaually burst into tears twice that day. And if anyone knew my friend; they would know that she never cries. He actaully had the audacity to say she was a slut, and made comments about her sex life even tho she cant even have sex with teh guy cuz he's an interent boyfriend. and he's suppose to be her friend thats like a brother. So you know she was cut up. but thats not all. he actaully said "yeah, obey like the bitch you are" to her. he degradded her and torn her open liek that. and that is why i will never forgive him. but of cousre, even after he did all that, he said sorry and she forgave the bitch.
and thats not all.
becasue of the fact i have no classes with her at all, we both come to school an hour early to talk. but now he's started to come 30 mins early and joins us, and therefore takes away a precious 30 minutes i WOULD ahve to talk to her. not only that: he is always ALWAYS all UP ,on her: tapping on her every few second, grabbign on her arm, and lately: having to walk drrectly behind her, seperating her form the rest of the group, when all our friends are walkign down the hall. So a couple days after he said that stuff to her, he was at frist all up on her, whispering to her right in front of me as if i wasnt there, then when we were at the lockers he told her 'im letting go" and she ran to the bathroom to cry.
Thats when my inner mosnter came out: i wrote a horrible note and planned to give it to him, but i was afraid of what my friend would think if I said those things to him. So i didnt give it to him. Then the same day he made her run to the bathroom they had 3 classes togther so, after 3rd mod, they were walking down the hall talking as if nothing happened. So im still confused about that. So a week goes by adn now somethign else almost started. This dude im talking about, and my best friend happen to share the same gosh darn b-day. At frist i wasnt going to give him a present, so i didnt bring it on that day. then durring the weekend me and my friend and I went to the mall and we both picked out some shrits for him. So then on monday we thought everything would be fine, but apperetly it wasnt. When i tried to give him his gift he litterally stood there and ignored us. just stanging there. he didnt walk away, but he stood there and ignored us as if we werent there. So yea i was pissed. pissed to the point i almost gave his present to someone else.
Then the next day he was all ahppy and stuff again, so while my friend and i went to the other lockjer to retive the present she told me that the reason he was upset was "its always me. He said I dont care about his feelings". so yea... I was both annoyed and confused: all last year she proved how much he cared about his feelings, and he still actas like that. she forgave his sorry behind after he degraded her cruely, adn his thanks is: "You dont care about my feelings" Thats the type of bitch he is. In the end i agve him his stupid gift, but i only did becasue of I dont want to cause anpother problem for my friend.
I hate having to go to school a nd pretend everythigns okay, when really im thinking of all the ways i want him to die. I should have lost my cool, but i havent. I will NEVER forgive him for what he did to me best friend, but i have to pretend to like him every day and it makes me sick. i dont WANT to hate people, and I dont usuualy hold grudges, but i dont care anymore. i hate him. and the worse part is: even tho I HATE him, I cant seem to curk off on the jerk: either its beasue of my friend, or its becasue i miss being able to laugh genuinly. I feel like im a fake: i pretend to like someone, instead of saying to his face the things i wrote im my note. he's the peson who brought out the worst of me; my bad side, and i still cant unleash it on him.
It also doesnt help that even tho shes said hes the closes MALE friend to her, im still jeoulous of him. Im jealous of the fact that he always hurts her, adn yet she forgives him. I knwo that im selfish like that, and i knwo thay my mind works in a very selfish petty way, but im very much so jealous. it makes me wonder: if I were to ever hurt my friend in some way, would she ever forgiveme the way she forgives him? I know I would never hurt her like that, but i cant help but wonder.
And it's other things im jeolous of: her other friends are an example. I know why: its because she's my best friend and I want to be her only best friend too. and deep down i wonder if im just as selfish and petty as the dude i hate: the only difference is I make sure i know her side of the story before taking it out on her. Ill be upset for the smallest signs and reasons, but I wont say anything about it untill i know that she didnt mean it.
also the other day we satyed after school and anpother friend of ours was with us, and they had been friends since middle school, so they were talking about finding people we k now who play the part of thri old school friends. I know they were just joking about it, but my petty selfish paranoid mind decided to turn that into: "maybe im only a replacement for their old friend" i know thats not true, but its those type of thoughts that run throught my head from time to time, and make me feel insecure and sad indide.
So now im in an empotional spiral that keeps stoping and starting again. and the thing that caused it all was that jerk who hurt my best friend.